My Apologies....

I recently posted a blog entitled "out of the Darkness". I was quickly informed that it seemed to suggest or came across as though I was currently suicidal. That is not the case at all and I am so sorry for giving that impression. My goal was to share some of what God has brought me thru in life and over the last few years. I have never felt such freedom to be who I am supposed to be as I do now. God has been so good to me and is giving me joy and peace in spite of the difficult days. The instance I mentioned was nearly 5 years ago and I am not the same person I was then. At that time I was very confused and lost with a severe case of culture shock and lack of purpose upon my return from China. Again, I am truly sorry for giving the wrong impression. My feeling on suicide is that it is the fullness of selfishness and the single most cowardly thing a person could do. I was in that place years ago but I have never been further from it than I am now. Thank you for those who shared and expressed concern. It is good to know you care and I hope you all know you are loved. sincerely Jeffrey Wieber

Learning to TRUST

Life has taught me many things in 35 years. As a kid I heard things like "life is hard", "life's not fair" and "you can't have everything you want". It does not take long to figure that these are all very true. One of the other things we often learn as children is that people cannot be trusted. In believing that people can't be trusted I learned to hide. Hide my thoughts, feelings and desires. Hiding means lying, which is sin, which when not brought to light surrounds me in darkness. It did not take long to become one of the people that could not be trusted. Now, at 35....what a great age to be learning, apparently... I am learning that even though some, maybe even most or all, people can't be trusted I cannot live in that darkness. Yes I breathe and function but not the way God intended. To truly live in the light I have to trust people.

So, now after years of hiding, how do I learn to trust people? How do I share those things I have been hiding. It is no less than frightful to openly share the secrets that have been growing and thriving in the darkness for so many years. Yet to live, truly live, this is exactly what I must do. Trusting people means being honest. To be honest I must know what that is and means. First off, honesty implies a fullness. In other words, no half truths or just enough, honesty requires full openness. Some are very careful who they tell and what they tell but the most healthy people I know of are extremely vulnerable. Honesty leaves us open for ridicule, anger and more as it shares those things the world does not want to see or talk about. I have tried to be open so far in my writing but in the future (near future) I think you will notice a change. As the Lord leads I intend to share as much as I am able without hurting anyone else. For anyone reading, your prayers are appreciated thru this journey.