Wednesday, June 19, 2013
My Apologies....
I recently posted a blog entitled "out of the Darkness". I was quickly informed that it seemed to suggest or came across as though I was currently suicidal. That is not the case at all and I am so sorry for giving that impression. My goal was to share some of what God has brought me thru in life and over the last few years. I have never felt such freedom to be who I am supposed to be as I do now. God has been so good to me and is giving me joy and peace in spite of the difficult days.
The instance I mentioned was nearly 5 years ago and I am not the same person I was then. At that time I was very confused and lost with a severe case of culture shock and lack of purpose upon my return from China.
Again, I am truly sorry for giving the wrong impression. My feeling on suicide is that it is the fullness of selfishness and the single most cowardly thing a person could do. I was in that place years ago but I have never been further from it than I am now.
Thank you for those who shared and expressed concern. It is good to know you care and I hope you all know you are loved.
sincerely
Jeffrey Wieber
Monday, June 17, 2013
Learning to TRUST
Life has taught me many things in 35 years. As a kid I heard things like "life is hard", "life's not fair" and "you can't have everything you want". It does not take long to figure that these are all very true.
One of the other things we often learn as children is that people cannot be trusted. In believing that people can't be trusted I learned to hide. Hide my thoughts, feelings and desires. Hiding means lying, which is sin, which when not brought to light surrounds me in darkness. It did not take long to become one of the people that could not be trusted.
Now, at 35....what a great age to be learning, apparently... I am learning that even though some, maybe even most or all, people can't be trusted I cannot live in that darkness. Yes I breathe and function but not the way God intended. To truly live in the light I have to trust people.
So, now after years of hiding, how do I learn to trust people? How do I share those things I have been hiding. It is no less than frightful to openly share the secrets that have been growing and thriving in the darkness for so many years. Yet to live, truly live, this is exactly what I must do.
Trusting people means being honest. To be honest I must know what that is and means. First off, honesty implies a fullness. In other words, no half truths or just enough, honesty requires full openness. Some are very careful who they tell and what they tell but the most healthy people I know of are extremely vulnerable. Honesty leaves us open for ridicule, anger and more as it shares those things the world does not want to see or talk about.
I have tried to be open so far in my writing but in the future (near future) I think you will notice a change. As the Lord leads I intend to share as much as I am able without hurting anyone else.
For anyone reading, your prayers are appreciated thru this journey.
Sunday, December 19, 2010
O to be an Island...
We all know the basic definition of an Island.
A land mass completely surrounded by water.
What else is an island. An island can contain many things. Though at the basic level it is land. Land that is at the surface, separated from all other land by the water that surrounds it. However, that is only the portion we can see above the surface of the water and all we typically think about. At the base however all islands around our planet are connected to all other land. Yes there are faults and the tectonic plates and all that but I'm not here to get into that. What has been on my mind is the connection point. The fact that all land is fed by the same source whether it appears to be an "island" or an extremely large continent. Which if you want to get technical could probably also be considered an island, at least in my thinking :-)
Uh what's the point Wieb? My point is there are those who would try to separate themselves from others. Whether Christian or not. Some from the church try to go it alone. Some call themselves Atheist so they don't have to answer to God. However, at the base. We are all created in the image of God designed to be in an intimate relationship with Him. When we are not, we are not whole, we are not what we are intended to be. As if an island tried to float away from what holds it above the surface of the water. We all know without question it would quickly sink and be removed from sight.
Here's an interesting thought. No matter what you do with a piece of land. Drop it, throw it straight up, or into the water, it always go right back to another piece of earth. We are created not only to be in relationship with our creator but those like us. Other followers of the one who gives us all breath. As "Iron sharpens Iron". We must remain in contact one way or another with others who are seeking that relationship with Him. That we may be what we have been created to be.
Seek out those who are like minded. Walk and talk with them, learn from one to teach another. All of us are connected to the same source and if we stand together, grow together and spread that truth and knowledge together the whole world will see and know the source that feeds us.
Tap into that source available to each and every one of us if you are not already doing so. Jesus Christ is the only way to true life.
Uh what's the point Wieb? My point is there are those who would try to separate themselves from others. Whether Christian or not. Some from the church try to go it alone. Some call themselves Atheist so they don't have to answer to God. However, at the base. We are all created in the image of God designed to be in an intimate relationship with Him. When we are not, we are not whole, we are not what we are intended to be. As if an island tried to float away from what holds it above the surface of the water. We all know without question it would quickly sink and be removed from sight.
Here's an interesting thought. No matter what you do with a piece of land. Drop it, throw it straight up, or into the water, it always go right back to another piece of earth. We are created not only to be in relationship with our creator but those like us. Other followers of the one who gives us all breath. As "Iron sharpens Iron". We must remain in contact one way or another with others who are seeking that relationship with Him. That we may be what we have been created to be.
Seek out those who are like minded. Walk and talk with them, learn from one to teach another. All of us are connected to the same source and if we stand together, grow together and spread that truth and knowledge together the whole world will see and know the source that feeds us.
Tap into that source available to each and every one of us if you are not already doing so. Jesus Christ is the only way to true life.
Thursday, December 16, 2010
living in the frozen North
Recently a good friend of mine has been asking me daily, what 3 things am I thankful for today. It has made me think about a lot of things and I have time to write a bit tonight and wanted to share.
The hardest thing for me up here however is not the cold. It is being so far from those I care about. To my nieces and nephews if you see this, I miss ya'all and love you. Wish I could give you all a big hug tonight!!! To my siblings, you are the best.
Ashley, it has been way too long! It's sad that now we are in the same state and it's even harder for us to see each other, I miss you. I pray for you often and hope you are doing well.
Amy, I am proud of you and hope you and Chris are doing well and that you enjoy your next adventure wherever it may take you.
Bri, you are the coolest big brother a guy could ask for. I am so proud of you. For who you are and the example you are to me and those around you. If I can be half the man you are I will be doing well. You and Jen are both awesome, no better way to say it :-)
Tami, I miss you and you family a ton. I am proud of you and Mark for continuing to seek God thru hard times. For being an amazing example of what a family should be. Thru thick and thin, good and bad. I know I don't see it all by any means, but I see enough to know I am thankful for each of you and what God has done in your lives.
Mom 2 Kris :-) You have been so great thru everything. Thank you for being there. It confuses my friends but you will always be mom to me. I love you.
Dad, I am thankful that you continue to learn. Thru the trials of life and from your own mistakes as well. I am thankful that you seek the Lord and what He has for you and pray He will bless you with the desires of your heart.
Mom, To my best friend and personal prayer warrior, not sure what else to say but thank you. Nothing I can say will ever cover it so I'll just say that again, thank you and I love you. You are the best! I am proud of you for continuing to seek the Lord. For looking for the best in every situation even when you feel like you are surrounded by the enemy and encouraging me to do the same.
To C.S. you have been an inspiration and a breath of fresh air. Thank you for your friendship and encouragement. Everyone should be so lucky as to have a friend like you.
Dave, not that you'll see this but maybe someone will pass the word. Thank you will never cover what you have meant to me. Your simple willingness to be a friend and example and to be that in spite of the pain I know I was, well God used you to change my life and without you being willing, Lord only knows where I would be today. Thank you, oh and if you haven't already, GO SHOPPING!!!!!
Dhere are so many others I can't even begin to write about all those who have had an impact in my life.
I wrote this in the Life goes on but it has turned into a "pieces of me".... kind of thing. So I moved it here... haha
The hardest thing for me up here however is not the cold. It is being so far from those I care about. To my nieces and nephews if you see this, I miss ya'all and love you. Wish I could give you all a big hug tonight!!! To my siblings, you are the best.
Ashley, it has been way too long! It's sad that now we are in the same state and it's even harder for us to see each other, I miss you. I pray for you often and hope you are doing well.
Amy, I am proud of you and hope you and Chris are doing well and that you enjoy your next adventure wherever it may take you.
Bri, you are the coolest big brother a guy could ask for. I am so proud of you. For who you are and the example you are to me and those around you. If I can be half the man you are I will be doing well. You and Jen are both awesome, no better way to say it :-)
Tami, I miss you and you family a ton. I am proud of you and Mark for continuing to seek God thru hard times. For being an amazing example of what a family should be. Thru thick and thin, good and bad. I know I don't see it all by any means, but I see enough to know I am thankful for each of you and what God has done in your lives.
Mom 2 Kris :-) You have been so great thru everything. Thank you for being there. It confuses my friends but you will always be mom to me. I love you.
Dad, I am thankful that you continue to learn. Thru the trials of life and from your own mistakes as well. I am thankful that you seek the Lord and what He has for you and pray He will bless you with the desires of your heart.
Mom, To my best friend and personal prayer warrior, not sure what else to say but thank you. Nothing I can say will ever cover it so I'll just say that again, thank you and I love you. You are the best! I am proud of you for continuing to seek the Lord. For looking for the best in every situation even when you feel like you are surrounded by the enemy and encouraging me to do the same.
To C.S. you have been an inspiration and a breath of fresh air. Thank you for your friendship and encouragement. Everyone should be so lucky as to have a friend like you.
Dave, not that you'll see this but maybe someone will pass the word. Thank you will never cover what you have meant to me. Your simple willingness to be a friend and example and to be that in spite of the pain I know I was, well God used you to change my life and without you being willing, Lord only knows where I would be today. Thank you, oh and if you haven't already, GO SHOPPING!!!!!
Dhere are so many others I can't even begin to write about all those who have had an impact in my life.
I wrote this in the Life goes on but it has turned into a "pieces of me".... kind of thing. So I moved it here... haha
Thursday, December 9, 2010
the "Value" of a true friend
A friend, we are told, is one who sticks closer than a brother.
I have been blessed in my life with several truly good friends. Communication with some has come and gone but it always seems to pick right back up where it left off. One of them I truly owe my life to. His obedience and willingness to put up with me, whether out of calling or parental orders I'm not sure, changed the course of my life. He is a man of God and will always to me be an example of what God has called us to be. Another is a friend from bible school. We have had our ups and downs but have somehow maintained a friendship and I hope ability to encourage each other thru the years.
In spite of these two exceptional friends, I have, maybe more often than not, lost sight of what a true friend really is. This has nearly put me into some really bad situations because of choices I "wanted" to make. In the words of Garth Brooks, "I thank God for unanswered prayers" and "some of Gods greatest gifts are unanswered prayers". Recently I have been reminded of what a true friend really is. Not only have both of my longstanding friends been there thru some tuff months but I have also been blessed with a new friend.
I am thankful for the encouragement that I receive from all 3. Even when I am a pain in the butt. Yes, it's true, I can be a pain on occasion. OK, seriously, you can stop laughing now, no really, what's so funny? Hey, if I got you to laugh it was worth it all right :-) Moving on now..... I have truly been encouraged, especially by the newest friend the Lord has blessed me with. This person I'll call CS has been a constant friend during this last move. Has lead me toward the Lord when I have questioned why I'm here. CS has let me vent when I need to vent and I know CS has been praying for me as well. CS has lifted my spirits after difficult days learning a new job and relearning an old job.
The value of a true friend, priceless. If you ever find a friend like that, go out of your way to be that friend as well for them. I made the mistake once of pushing a friend like this away, I hope I never do that again. Thankfully that person stuck be me and is still one of the 2 I mentioned earlier. There may be times you have to let a friend go for a while. Maybe God had them in your life for a time for a reason, and maybe like me you will be blessed enough to have that friendship remain thru the worst of circumstances.
Thank you KW, DK and CS, You all have a place in my heart and life that has made me who I am and is making me who I will become. Thank you for all for allowing the Lord to lead in your lives and for being the friend He has asked you to be to me.
Truth be told, there is a 4th that I have not mentioned yet. She has been there thru thick and thin. She has seen my worst and has loved me always. She has been my constant cheerleader and prayer warrior from before I was born. I have the best friend anyone could ask for in my mom. love ya ma, thanks for everything
I have been blessed in my life with several truly good friends. Communication with some has come and gone but it always seems to pick right back up where it left off. One of them I truly owe my life to. His obedience and willingness to put up with me, whether out of calling or parental orders I'm not sure, changed the course of my life. He is a man of God and will always to me be an example of what God has called us to be. Another is a friend from bible school. We have had our ups and downs but have somehow maintained a friendship and I hope ability to encourage each other thru the years.
In spite of these two exceptional friends, I have, maybe more often than not, lost sight of what a true friend really is. This has nearly put me into some really bad situations because of choices I "wanted" to make. In the words of Garth Brooks, "I thank God for unanswered prayers" and "some of Gods greatest gifts are unanswered prayers". Recently I have been reminded of what a true friend really is. Not only have both of my longstanding friends been there thru some tuff months but I have also been blessed with a new friend.
I am thankful for the encouragement that I receive from all 3. Even when I am a pain in the butt. Yes, it's true, I can be a pain on occasion. OK, seriously, you can stop laughing now, no really, what's so funny? Hey, if I got you to laugh it was worth it all right :-) Moving on now..... I have truly been encouraged, especially by the newest friend the Lord has blessed me with. This person I'll call CS has been a constant friend during this last move. Has lead me toward the Lord when I have questioned why I'm here. CS has let me vent when I need to vent and I know CS has been praying for me as well. CS has lifted my spirits after difficult days learning a new job and relearning an old job.
The value of a true friend, priceless. If you ever find a friend like that, go out of your way to be that friend as well for them. I made the mistake once of pushing a friend like this away, I hope I never do that again. Thankfully that person stuck be me and is still one of the 2 I mentioned earlier. There may be times you have to let a friend go for a while. Maybe God had them in your life for a time for a reason, and maybe like me you will be blessed enough to have that friendship remain thru the worst of circumstances.
Thank you KW, DK and CS, You all have a place in my heart and life that has made me who I am and is making me who I will become. Thank you for all for allowing the Lord to lead in your lives and for being the friend He has asked you to be to me.
Truth be told, there is a 4th that I have not mentioned yet. She has been there thru thick and thin. She has seen my worst and has loved me always. She has been my constant cheerleader and prayer warrior from before I was born. I have the best friend anyone could ask for in my mom. love ya ma, thanks for everything
Saturday, November 6, 2010
if you could choose....
OK, some will think this is a bit morbid and maybe it is. However, I know we all think about it now and then. The question I pose tonight... if you could choose how you die, what would you choose.
Some that know me have heard me say skydiving. I guess I figure it would be quick and I can only assume painless. You see I always figure if my chute didn't open I'd just dive headfirst and thank God for taking me home. Of course, the passing while sleeping idea ain't all bad either. Hypothermia wouldn't be too bad. You'd go from insanely cold to asleep and not wake up. I'm sure it wouldn't be great but better than some options.
I don't think anybody wants to die drowning or in a fire. Either of those would suck though I think drowning would be a little quicker. A heart attack would suck as would cancer or any other disease that slowly takes you over.
I have heard of people actually dying from a broken heart. How much anguish would you have to be in? Can you imagine. So emotionally distraught that your body shuts down. I bet before it does your mind would be reeling with all kinds of thoughts of regret, shame, fear, loneliness etc. The ache in your stomach would grow and grow with no relief. That would be my last choice for sure.
I am glad I don't get to choose. I am not afraid to go for when I do I will meet my savior face to face. I only hope I go out praising Him with my final breath and that if I am remembered, it is for His glory.
Psalm 51:17 My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart you, God, will not despise
Psalm 57:7 My heart, O God, is steadfast, my heart is steadfast; I will sing and make music
Psalm 61:2 From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I.
Psalm 62:8 Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge.
Psalm 73:26 My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever
I have on more than one occasion given up. I have given up on God and life at different times. I have told God to take a hike and other times have begged Him to take me home. I am still here and while I am I will praise Him and serve Him. I will fail but I will get up again. Psalm 73:26 My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever
Some that know me have heard me say skydiving. I guess I figure it would be quick and I can only assume painless. You see I always figure if my chute didn't open I'd just dive headfirst and thank God for taking me home. Of course, the passing while sleeping idea ain't all bad either. Hypothermia wouldn't be too bad. You'd go from insanely cold to asleep and not wake up. I'm sure it wouldn't be great but better than some options.
I don't think anybody wants to die drowning or in a fire. Either of those would suck though I think drowning would be a little quicker. A heart attack would suck as would cancer or any other disease that slowly takes you over.
I have heard of people actually dying from a broken heart. How much anguish would you have to be in? Can you imagine. So emotionally distraught that your body shuts down. I bet before it does your mind would be reeling with all kinds of thoughts of regret, shame, fear, loneliness etc. The ache in your stomach would grow and grow with no relief. That would be my last choice for sure.
I am glad I don't get to choose. I am not afraid to go for when I do I will meet my savior face to face. I only hope I go out praising Him with my final breath and that if I am remembered, it is for His glory.
Psalm 51:17 My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart you, God, will not despise
Psalm 57:7 My heart, O God, is steadfast, my heart is steadfast; I will sing and make music
Psalm 61:2 From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I.
Psalm 62:8 Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge.
Psalm 73:26 My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever
I have on more than one occasion given up. I have given up on God and life at different times. I have told God to take a hike and other times have begged Him to take me home. I am still here and while I am I will praise Him and serve Him. I will fail but I will get up again. Psalm 73:26 My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever
Saturday, October 30, 2010
before "the blog"- Humpty Dumpty from 6-6-2010
Humpty Dumpty
Ok, so the other night I was thinking about this childrens story and truthfully I don’t remember the whole. However, I started thinking about how it relates to my life. A bit random but here we go anyway.
So if I (as Humpty Dumpty) fall off a wall because I was unable to stay on it, would I go back to the same spot? Probably not but instead would find a lower, safer, more stable spot. Maybe even on a different wall. This place for sure will work out I say to myself, I like it here. So I settle in to my new place on a wall and begin to enjoy it and where it is going. I see the future in this spot and begin to hold it and make it my own.
Then, it happens…down I go to a painful landing once again. Now this time as I sit in the recovery room I think thru what happened and why once again. I try to learn from my mistakes and cling again to what I know. As I head out again to make my place I being to look around for something suitable. I find a really cool spot and sit there for a bit. I enjoy it, the view is good, the future seems fuzzy but I remember that it did at first in the last spot too. So I sit there a bit longer enjoying this new place but so unsure if I can make it my own. I think to myself, if I were smart I would stay on the ground for another fall would kill me for sure. Yet I long for a place on the wall once again. Again, I also know a place on the wall means the other places and futures and dreams I had will be long behind likely to never be seen again. So maybe I can walk on the ground and find a good spot with a view from there but would also be able to travel the world and not be stuck on that wall, now there’s an idea I may life after all. I could see this and that and go here and there and enjoy all the things that I long to explore… except for a wonderful place on the wall.
Now I’m perplexed for I can’t have it all. Oh to travel the world or sit on the wall? That is the question and only I can decide yet I find myself unable to stay on that wall. Maybe it’s simply that what I want isn’t best for me and the wall was never meant for people like me? Those who wonder about and dream of great things. To see the world and all that it has or sit on the wall and make a spot just for me. Rather than a wall am I meant to be sailing aboard a ship lost at sea?
The ship has it’s risks as well though you see. It gets battered and worn and who know’s where it’ll be. Safer at first cause there’s no chance of a fall. Maybe it’s only cause your already on the ground after all.
So it comes down to this I think for me. The wall is where I want to be. The problem lies in my ability to find a safe place that’s just right for me. With my lack of trust in humanity I’m just not sure there’s a wall in this world with a spot I can see that’s built just for me.
Ok, so the other night I was thinking about this childrens story and truthfully I don’t remember the whole. However, I started thinking about how it relates to my life. A bit random but here we go anyway.
So if I (as Humpty Dumpty) fall off a wall because I was unable to stay on it, would I go back to the same spot? Probably not but instead would find a lower, safer, more stable spot. Maybe even on a different wall. This place for sure will work out I say to myself, I like it here. So I settle in to my new place on a wall and begin to enjoy it and where it is going. I see the future in this spot and begin to hold it and make it my own.
Then, it happens…down I go to a painful landing once again. Now this time as I sit in the recovery room I think thru what happened and why once again. I try to learn from my mistakes and cling again to what I know. As I head out again to make my place I being to look around for something suitable. I find a really cool spot and sit there for a bit. I enjoy it, the view is good, the future seems fuzzy but I remember that it did at first in the last spot too. So I sit there a bit longer enjoying this new place but so unsure if I can make it my own. I think to myself, if I were smart I would stay on the ground for another fall would kill me for sure. Yet I long for a place on the wall once again. Again, I also know a place on the wall means the other places and futures and dreams I had will be long behind likely to never be seen again. So maybe I can walk on the ground and find a good spot with a view from there but would also be able to travel the world and not be stuck on that wall, now there’s an idea I may life after all. I could see this and that and go here and there and enjoy all the things that I long to explore… except for a wonderful place on the wall.
Now I’m perplexed for I can’t have it all. Oh to travel the world or sit on the wall? That is the question and only I can decide yet I find myself unable to stay on that wall. Maybe it’s simply that what I want isn’t best for me and the wall was never meant for people like me? Those who wonder about and dream of great things. To see the world and all that it has or sit on the wall and make a spot just for me. Rather than a wall am I meant to be sailing aboard a ship lost at sea?
The ship has it’s risks as well though you see. It gets battered and worn and who know’s where it’ll be. Safer at first cause there’s no chance of a fall. Maybe it’s only cause your already on the ground after all.
So it comes down to this I think for me. The wall is where I want to be. The problem lies in my ability to find a safe place that’s just right for me. With my lack of trust in humanity I’m just not sure there’s a wall in this world with a spot I can see that’s built just for me.
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